"Not Nice: Stop People-Pleasing, Staying Silent, and Feeling Guilty" by Aziz Gazipura

 "Not Nice: Stop People-Pleasing, Staying Silent, and Feeling Guilty" by Aziz Gazipura explores the detrimental effects of being overly nice and accommodating at the expense of one's own needs and desires. Gazipura, a psychologist and coach, provides insights into the psychology of niceness and offers strategies for cultivating authenticity and assertiveness. Here are ten key lessons and insights from the book:

1. Understanding the Concept of Niceness: Gazipura defines "niceness" as a behavioral pattern characterized by people-pleasing and avoidance of conflict. He explains that while being nice can be socially beneficial, excessive niceness often leads to personal dissatisfaction and resentment. Recognizing the difference between genuine kindness and unhealthy niceness is crucial for personal growth.

2. The Roots of People-Pleasing: The author delves into the origins of people-pleasing behavior, often rooted in childhood experiences, societal expectations, and the desire for approval. Understanding these roots helps individuals recognize why they prioritize others' needs over their own and begin to challenge these patterns.

3. The Cost of Being Nice: Gazipura highlights the emotional and psychological toll of excessive niceness, including feelings of burnout, resentment, and a diminished sense of self-worth. By constantly prioritizing others, individuals may neglect their own needs, leading to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

4. The Importance of Authenticity: The book emphasizes the significance of being authentic and true to oneself. Gazipura encourages readers to embrace their genuine feelings and desires rather than suppressing them to maintain a facade of niceness. Authenticity fosters deeper connections and inner fulfillment.

5. Learning to Say No: A critical lesson in the book is the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say no. Gazipura provides practical strategies for asserting oneself and communicating limits effectively. Saying no can be challenging, but it is essential for maintaining personal integrity and well-being.

6. Challenging the Fear of Rejection: Gazipura addresses the fear of rejection that often drives people-pleasing behavior. He encourages readers to confront this fear and recognize that it is a natural part of life. By reframing rejection as an opportunity for growth rather than a threat, individuals can develop resilience and confidence.

7. Embracing Discomfort: The author discusses the necessity of embracing discomfort and difficult emotions as part of personal growth. Gazipura argues that stepping outside one’s comfort zone is essential for breaking free from the cycle of niceness. Engaging in uncomfortable conversations and situations leads to increased self-awareness and empowerment.

8. Building Self-Compassion: Gazipura emphasizes the importance of self-compassion in overcoming people-pleasing tendencies. By cultivating a compassionate attitude toward oneself, individuals can prioritize their needs and desires without feeling guilty. Self-compassion fosters a healthier relationship with oneself and others.

9. Practicing Assertive Communication: The book provides practical tools for developing assertive communication skills. Gazipura outlines techniques for expressing thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully, allowing individuals to advocate for themselves while maintaining healthy relationships.

10. The Path to True Kindness: Finally, Gazipura distinguishes between niceness and true kindness. He argues that true kindness involves being honest and respectful, even when it requires difficult conversations or setting boundaries. By choosing authenticity over superficial niceness, individuals can cultivate more meaningful and fulfilling relationships.

In "Not Nice," Aziz Gazipura offers a transformative perspective on the implications of excessive niceness and the importance of authenticity and assertiveness. Through practical insights and actionable strategies, the book empowers readers to break free from people-pleasing behaviors, embrace their true selves, and cultivate healthier, more fulfilling relationships with themselves and others.

REASONS NOT TO DATE AN OLDER WOMAN.

 REASONS NOT TO DATE AN OLDER WOMAN.

1. SHE IS DISRESPECTFUL

An older woman won't respect you because she sees you as her junior or a boy not mature enough to guide her. She is probably funding your lifestyle and this makes her disrespect you even more.

2. SHE IS ANGRY

Since she is older, she will not plug into your masculine energy. This leaves her empty, deprived and frustrated. What follows is a series of drama and chaos including alcoholism. She hates her life, she is angry at herself and therefore she will project this anger towards you.

3. SHE IS REBELLIOUS

An older woman believes she is more mature and experienced than you in the marriage. She will openly refuse your instructions and order. She will ridicule your actions and defy you both in public and private.

4. SHE IS MANIPULATIVE

An older woman will manipulate you for her own egocentric needs. She will trick you to make wrong decisions that fulfil her temporary desires then when things backfire she will blame you and call you out this will again make you make further wrong decisions to appease her.

5. SHE SUFFERS SEXUAL NUMBNESS

An older woman has seen more ceiling boards than a painter. Her sensory areas that excite her sex experience are numb. She will therefore resort to masturbation or using dildos to jump-start her dead erotic zones.- When having sex with her, she will be rubbing her clitoral end or use a dildo to excite her.

6. SHE IS INFERTILE.

An older woman is probably a retired war veteran. She has a history of abortions or prolonged use of hormonal contraceptives and other clandestine gynaecological procedures or hormonal therapies. Her chances of conception are very narrow or even zero.

7. SHE WILL CHEAT.

An older woman will openly cheat on you and there is nothing you will do. She is deprived of solid masculine power and therefore she will be looking for a man older than her to fulfil the deprivation.

Kindly follow Bongo Ptah

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10 ATTITUDES OF SMART PEOPLE

 10 ATTITUDES OF SMART PEOPLE

1. They are usually quieter than others – Smart people often prefer to listen and observe rather than dominate conversations.

2. They are aware of their own ignorance – Smart people recognize the limits of their knowledge and are open to learning more.

3. They avoid bragging – Instead of bragging, smart people let their actions speak for themselves.

4. They are humble – Despite their intelligence, they remain modest about their abilities.

5. They may have fewer close friends – They find it difficult to connect deeply with others because of their unique perspective.

6. They ask insightful questions – Smart people question deeply, seeking to understand and analyze.

7. They identify flaws and loopholes – They often examine systems or arguments to find imperfections.

8. They enjoy reading – A love of books and continuous learning is common among intelligent people.

9. They have strong intuition – They can often sense the true intentions and feelings of others.

10. They avoid confrontation – Intelligent individuals generally avoid unnecessary arguments and conflicts.

"Live purposefully"

Funny African Proverbs

 Funny African Proverbs

When a man is stung by a bee, he does not destroy all beehives- Kenya Proverb

It is only a stupid cow that rejoices at the prospect of being taken to a beautiful abattoir - Zambian Proverb

No matter how far an eagle flies up the sky, it will definitely come down to look for food - Zimbabwe Proverb

An army of sheep led by a lion can defeat an army of lions led by a sheep. - Ghanaian proverb

The anus doesn't teach the mouth the sweetness of food - South-African Proverb

The man who marries a beautiful woman, and the farmer who grows corn by the roadside have the same problem- Ethiopian Proverb

A short man is not a boy- Nigerian Proverb

No matter how hot your anger is, it cannot cook yams- Nigerian Proverb

It requires a lot of carefulness to kill the fly that perches on the scrotum- Ghanaian Proverb

If the throat can grant passage to a knife, the anus should wonder how to expel it -South-African Proverb

The frown on the face of the goat will not stop it from being taken to the market - Nigerian Proverb

An old lady feels uneasy when dry bones are mentioned in a proverb - Ghanaian Proverb

The same sun that melts the wax, hardens the clay - Nigerien Proverb

If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there - Ugandan Proverb

There is no virgin in a maternity ward- Cameroonian Proverb

The madman, who throws a stone into a crowded market, forgets that his own mother could be hit by his madness. - Ugandan Proverb

A child can play with its mother's breasts, but not its father's testicles - Guinean Proverb

He who goes to sleep with an itching anus wakes up with smelly fingers - Nigerian Proverb

HOW TO BE ALWAYS HAPPY IN LIFE. READ THESE AWESOME LIFE TIPS.

 HOW TO BE ALWAYS HAPPY IN LIFE. READ THESE AWESOME LIFE TIPS.

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1. Always remember that there is nobody on this earth that does not have problems. You are not the only one that has problems.

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2. Challenges are part of life. It is only a dead man who has no challenges.

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3. no problem has no solution. There are solutions to the pains you are going through.

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4. The way you picture yourself in your mind can affect your happiness. Picture yourself as a valuable and beautiful person. Avoid low self-esteem and inferiority complex.

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5. Do not mind about what people say about you. Some people are sadists. They can just say something just to make you feel sad.

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6. Make friends with reasonable people who make you happy. Do not make friends with people who make jest of you or laugh at you over your challenges.

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7. In your leisure time, keep yourself busy with your favourite hobbies like sports, games, watching movies, surfing the internet, playing computer games, etc.

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8. Do not allow anyone to intimidate you with money and material things. A poor man today can become rich tomorrow. Change is constant.

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9. No matter what you are going through today, do not give up. As long as there is life, there is hope.

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10. Be very prayerful. Pray without ceasing. Prayer is a catalyst that can speed up your blessings to come to you on time.

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11. Be courageous to go for what you want. Life is all about risk. If you don't take a risk, you will not get the desires of your heart.

Never change your originality for the sake of others. Because no one can play your role better than you.

You are the best. So be yourself...

TEN SNEAKY WAYS PEOPLE MANIPULATE YOU.

 TEN SNEAKY WAYS PEOPLE MANIPULATE YOU.

1. LOVE BOMBING: flooding with affection to gain control.

2. GASLIGHTING: Making your doubt your reality.

3. SILENT TREATMENT: Ignoring you to make you feel guilty.

4. GUILT TRIPPING: Making you feel responsible for their emotions.

5. PLAYING THE VICTIM: Always being the one who is wronged.

6. FUTURE FAKING: Promising a future that never comes.

7. TRIANGULATION: Using others to make you jealous.

8. BLAME SHIFTING: Turning the table to make you the problem.

9. WITHHOLDING AFFECTION: Using love as a weapon.

10. MINIMIZING FEELINGS: Dismissing your reactions as over reacting.

Be mindful of manipulative people who paint themselves as victims, blame others, and refuse to take any responsibility for their wrongdoing. Don’t buy into their stories. Showing sympathy for them plays into their hand..

குயட் ஃபயரிங் (Quiet firing)

 குயட் ஃபயரிங் (Quiet firing) என்பது இன்றைய மேலாண்மை உலகில் பின்பற்றப்படும் ஒரு செயல். அது பற்றிப் பார்ப்போம்.

குழுவில் உறுப்பினராக உள்ள ஒருவரை அந்த குழுவின் தலைமைப் பொறுப்பாளர் அல்லது மேலாளர், ஏதோ ஒரு காரணத்துக்காக அவரை ஒதுக்கி வைப்பது, அவருடைய பணிகளை மனம் திறந்து பாராட்டாமல் இருப்பது, அவருக்கு வர வேண்டிய ஊதிய உயர்வு, ஊக்கத் தொகை, அவார்ட் /ரிவார்ட் தராமல் இருப்பது, முக்கிய அலுவலக கூட்டங்களில், கிளையன்ட் மீட்டிங்‍ ல் அவரை தவிர்ப்பது ஆகியவை செய்தால் அதுதான் – Quite firing.

மிகுந்த எதிர்பார்ப்புடன் வேலைக்கு சேர்த்துக் கொளளப்பட்ட ஒருவர், பணியில் சோபிக்காமல் ஏனோ தானோ என்று இருந்தால் அவர் நாம் மேற்கூறியது போல் நடத்தப்பட்டால் அதனைக் குறை சொல்ல முடியாது. ஆனால், மாங்கு மாங்கு என்று கால நேரம் பார்க்காமல் வேலை செய்தவர்கள், சாதித்துக் காட்டியவர்கள், கெட்டிக்காரர்கள், திறமைசாலிகள் ஆகியோர் Quite firingக்கு ஆளாகிப் போவது கொடுமை. அலுவலக அரசியலின் கோர முகம் அது.

ஓரம் கட்டப்படும் போது ஓயாது உழைத்த மனிதனால் இப்படி நடத்தப்படுவதை தாங்க இயலாது.

டீம் லீடர் எனப்படும் தலைமைப் பொறுப்பாளரை விட கெட்டிக்காரர் ஆக உள்ள குழு உறுப்பினர்களையும் பாராட்டி வேலையை வாங்குவது என்பது சிறந்த தலைமைப் பண்பின் அடையாளம். மாறாக, கெட்டிக்காரர் ஆக இருப்பவரை Quiet firing மூலம் தவிர்க்க நினைப்பது, அவராக விலகிக் கொள்ளும் நிலையில் கொண்டு நிறுத்துவது டீம் லீடருக்கு ஒரு வித அல்ப மகிழ்ச்சியைக் கொடுக்கலாம். ஆனால், அது டீமுக்கும் நிறுவனத்துக்கும் நன்மை பயக்காது.

சரி. Quiet firing தமக்கு நடக்கிறது என்பதை ஒரு ஊழியர் எப்படி எதிர்கொள்ள வேண்டும்? உணர்ச்சி வசப்படாமல், தம்முடைய மேலதிகாரி அல்லது மேலாளரிடம் இது குறித்து அவரிடம் மனம் விட்டுப் பேசிப் பார்க்க வேண்டும்.

ஒதுக்கப்படுவதற்கான காரணத்தை கோபப்படாமல் கேட்க வேண்டும். நீங்கள் உரையாடல் மேற்கொண்ட பின்னரும் நிலைமை மாறா விட்டால் நீங்கள் வேறு நிறுவனத்திற்கோ வேறு பணிக்கோ போக வேண்டும்

1- When a fool argues with you, don't argue back; walk away and show them how maturity looks like.

2- When others gossip about you, don't spread slander about them. Don't compete in wasting time talking about nonsense.

3- When your workmates gang up against you, don't lose your cool and fight them. Silence them with results that they can't attack. Remember why you go to work and do what you are best at.

4- When your parents speak badly to you, don't shout back or insult; it could be their shortcomings or generational differences speaking. Still honour them for without them you wouldn't be where you are today.

5- When others spread lies about you, don't lose your balance. Let them keep talking, you know who you are. They will get tired as you continue to rise and shine.

6- When your spouse cheats on you, don't cheat back. Don't let a mere human being make you lose your principles and values no matter how much it hurts don't be like them, you are known to be a good person.

7- When others call themselves your haters, don't hate them back. They are just lost in their jealousy and ignorance, you find love in your praying for them.

8- When a majority of people rejoice in evil, don't join the crowd. Be part of the remnant that upholds what is right. When evil thrives, it makes a lot of noise but good always triumphs over evil in silence.

9- When people are unjust towards you, don't be unjust too. Remember there is a bigger picture that play, the fight for your soul.

10- When those around you incite you to hate others based on their tribe, race, gender or economical status; remind them each of us is a special human spirit beyond these shallow stereotypes. Always love win.

11- When life gives you low blows, go high in prayer, nothing is above the prayer.

12- When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord raises a standard against them. Raise a standard, when they go low, you go high, that's the spirit.

மைசூர் மசால் தோசை.

 தோசைல ரவா தோசை, முட்டை தோசை, வெங்காய தோசை கூட செஞ்சிடுவேன், ஆனா இந்த மசாலா தோசை மட்டும் செய்ய வரமாட்டேங்குதுன்னு சொல்ற ஆளா நீங்க. அப்போ இந்த பதிவு உங்களுக்கேதான்.

இன்னிக்கு மசால் தோசைதான் செய்ய போறோம். அதுவும் சாதாரண மசால் தோசை இல்லை மைசூர் மசால் தோசை.

யாருக்குத்தான் தோசை பிடிக்காது. அதுவும் ஹோட்டல்க்கு போய் மெனு கார்ட் திருப்பி பார்த்தா வித விதமா தோசை இருக்கும். அதுல பாதிக்கும் மேல என்ன தோசைன்னே தெரியாது. சரி அதை வாங்கி சாப்பிடலாம்னு பார்த்தா, ஆர்டர் பண்ணி கொண்டு வந்து வெச்சதுக்கு அப்புறம் நல்லா இல்லைன்னா என்ன பண்றது.

அது போலதான் இந்த மைசூர் மசால் தோசையும். உள்ளூர் மசால் தோசை கேள்விபட்டிருக்கேன். இது என்ன மைசூர் மசால் தோசை. வாங்க அதையும் தெரிஞ்சிப்போம்.

மைசூர் மசால் தோசை செய்ய

தேவையான பொருட்கள் :

சீரகம் - 1 ஸ்பூன்

உளுந்து - 1/2 ஸ்பூன்

பொட்டுக் கடலை - 1/2 ஸ்பூன்

கடலை பருப்பு - 1 ஸ்பூன்

காய்ந்த மிளகாய் - 20

பூண்டு - 120 கிராம்

மல்லி - 1 ஸ்பூன்

தோசை மாவு - 1 கப்

பெருங்காய பவுடர் - சிறிதளவு

உப்பு - தேவையான அளவு

கறிவேப்பிலை - தேவையான அளவு

எண்ணெய் - தேவையான அளவு

செய்முறை :

முதல்ல அடுப்பை பத்த வெச்சு, ஒரு கடாயில் தேவையான அளவு எண்ணெய் ஊத்தி காய விடுங்க.

எண்ணெய் நல்லா காய்ஞ்சதும், அதில எடுத்து வெச்சிருக்க கடலை பருப்பு மற்றும் உளுந்தை சேர்த்து 5 நிமிடம் நல்லா வதக்கிக்கோங்க.

அது கூட சீரகம், மல்லி, பூண்டு மற்றும் காய்ந்த மிளகா எல்லாத்தையும் சேர்த்து நல்லா வதக்கிக்கோங்க..

ஒரு 10 நிமிசதுக்கு பிறகு அது கூட கறிவேப்பிலை, பொட்டுக்கடலை, பெருங்காயத்தூள், உப்பு தேவையான அளவு சேர்த்து நல்லா பொன் நிறமா வர்ற வரைக்கும் வதக்கிட்டே இருங்க.

கடைசியா வதக்கிய பொருளை ஆறவெச்சு, மிக்சி ஜார்ல சேர்த்து நல்லா பேஸ்ட் பதத்திற்கு அரைச்சு எடுத்துக்கோங்க. இது கூட 10 பற்கள் பூண்டு எடுத்து, நைசாக நறுக்கிக்கோங்க.

ஒரு கடாயில் தேவையான அளவு எண்ணெய் ஊத்தி, எண்ணெய் சூடானதும் அதில நைசா நறுக்கிய பூண்டினை சேர்த்து வதக்கி, அது கூட அரைச்ச பேஸ்டினை சேர்த்து தாளிச்சுக்கோங்க. அவ்வளவு தான் மைசூர் மசாலா தயார்.

அடுத்து வழக்கம் போல தோசை கல்லை அடுப்பில வெச்சு வழக்கம் போல் தோசை ஊத்தி நல்லா வெந்ததும், அது மேல மைசூர் மசாலாவை தடவி மடிச்சு எடுத்தா போதும், மைசூர் மசால் தோசை தயார்.

இந்த வாரம் ஞாயிறு எங்க வீட்ல மைசூர் மசால் தோசைதான். நீங்களும் உங்க வீட்ல செஞ்சி பார்த்துட்டு எப்படி இருந்துச்சு சொல்லுங்க.